“Believe in your infinite potential. Your only limitations are those you set upon yourself.”
18 years I have lived this life full of dashing roller coaster rides. Some made me scream on top of my lungs, thrilled me to the bones, made me laugh like a hippo while others shattered my soul and made me cry a hundred buckets of tears. I thought I am experienced enough to live and ride a new set of coasters but I know at the back of my mind that I am not. I always thought time will come that I will be ready. I know that I am capable of doing things but it is just I think I am never ready enough. I am the type of person who hates going out of her way. Being a perfectionist and OCD-impaired, I always set my priorities and set my goals to the best circumstances that will benefit myself. Once I had set up my mind of my agenda, I surely will be on the road. If something happens and gets me off track, I burst like a volcano-which spells catastrophe. Maybe, this is also one of the reasons why I hate responsibilities and commitments. I always plan in advance and when those commitments and responsibilities block my drive way, gosh! I’d rather remorse and regret claiming them than calling my plans off.
I hear people always say that I have the potentials. I have that sense of leadership, that skill in speaking and writing, that intellectual capability, that required guts and confidence. I guess I will take those as compliments. However, I do not really exercise these potentials because I am a girl conforming to the irony of sky is the limit because I set the limits for myself. Always holding back and regretting afterwards. Just sitting at a corner while watching. I do not know if I will ever be ready or if I will ever be a lover of commitments and responsibilities or maybe if I will just stay out of the game and the rest of life.
I do not know if I am out of my shell yet. But I guess I am halfway across the journey of finding who I am and the passion alongside with that aspect of my being. For now, I will try my best not to hold back and run away from opportunities and obligations that will cross my path. I will try not to plan ahead and just focus on the present moment. With this I write, so help me Father God. ♥